Hina Springer (Warning: Somewhat Censored Offensive Material)

[Ronin Aquila]

Jerry Springer Presents: “Stay with me and my baby!!”

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! WHOOOOOO!!!

Jerry: Hey, welcome to the show!! Today a father will be reunited with his long lost children. The trouble is, each child has a different mother.

Crowd: OOOOHHHHHH!!

Jerry: Meet Keitaro.

Keitaro: Hi, Jerry.

Jerry: Keitaro, tell us a bit about yourself?

Keitaro: Well, Jerry. Two years ago I failed to get into Tokyo University for the second time, and I had to move out. The thing is that I kinda became a manager at this all girls dormitory (Guys in audience cheer) that my grandma left me. Sure, the five girls living there didn’t like me all that much in the beginning, but later on we became close friends. Although I failed for the third time, I got in on the fourth with their support, and I love them with all my heart.

Crowd: AAAAWWWWW!!

Jerry: Would you tell us what happened after you got in?

Keitaro: Well, my aunt who helps me run the dormitory threw this beach party for me to celebrate. That was like eight and a half months ago. I kinda got drunk and forget what happened that evening. The next day I moved out of the dormitory and lived on Tokyo-U campus ever since.

Jerry: And did you remember the fourteen year old you slept with.

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!

Keitaro: What in the name of *&&$%K?!?

Jerry: Her name is Shinobu!! Lets bring her out!!

(Crowd cheers deliriously as Shinobu comes on stage in her “little red riding hood’ outfit, and stands facing the audience.)

Shinobu: (Timidly) Hello, my name is Maehara Shinobu, pleased to meet you (bows courteously).

Crowd: (Visibly moved) AWWWWWW!! (“You’re so cute!!”)

(Shinobu sits down next to Keitaro)

Jerry: Welcome to the show, Shinobu.

Shinobu: Thank you, mister.

Jerry: Now I believe you have something you want to tell Keitaro.

Shinobu: Well...I... (“Don’t be shy, honey” shouts a nice fat lady in the crowd) well... Urashima Sempai... that night day at the party... you told me you loved me... and we.... we...
(Crowd ‘AWWWs” as she is too shy to say “had sex”)

Jerry: Don’t worry, dear, you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.

Shinobu: ‘Kay.... (lifts up the flaps of the hood covering her stomach) ...please, look after me and our daughter (her stomach is visibly 8 ½ months pregnant)..

Crowd: (bursts into a cacophany of “AWWWs” and “BOOOOs”

Keitaro: Well, I....
(Crowd continues booing as he cowers into a corner. Shinobu follows him, eyes watering like the Niagara Falls)

BACKSTAGE: KEITARO NO BAKA.

(Naru, holding a white bundle in her left arm, charges on stage and sends Keitaro screaming into the audience with her right fist. Audience proceeds to shove him back to Naru as she repeatedly tramples him.)

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

(Keitaro finally manages to haul himself back in his chair as Naru angrily sat next to him. Shinobu sits on the other side.)

Jerry: Welcome to the show, Naru.

Naru: Hello Jerry.
Jerry: Now, Naru. You and Keitaro have been married for a year and going to Tokyo-U for the past year, right.

Naru: That’s right, Jerry. And this (BEEP)ing cheat is the father of my son!! (Shows baby to audience, quietly sleeping, Audience “Awwws”)!! How could you do that to Shinobu?! She is just a child!! How are we going to take care of her and her baby!?

Keitaro: Well it happened before we slept together and I was drunk....

Audience: BOOOOOOOO!!

BACKSTAGE: Urashima you lilly livered knave!!

(Motoko, with a swollen belly, charges on stage in a tight black swimsuit and proceeds to slash at Keitaro mercilessly with her Katana. Steve barely pulls her back, but not before losing an arm.)

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

Jerry: Welcome, Motoko.

Motoko: (Ignoring Jerry) Urashima, though hast vowed to take charge and shelter myself and the two children growing inside me but seven nights ago...
(Crowd “OOOHHHs” and Naru smashes kicks Keitaro into the audience)

Motoko: ....but I know now that thou lackest the honor and duty bestowed upon a father and husband. I shall live no longer in the shame of being thy lover (draws short sword) I SHALL TAKE MY TWINS WITH ME!!

(It took the entire security to wrestle the sword from Mokoto’s arms. The shock sends her into labor on stage).

Shinobu: Stop it....stop it...please STOP!! (Crying deliriously, she goes into labor as well from the shock.)

(Keitaro’s face is as white as a sheet with two streams of tears pouring down his glasses as he uncomprehendingly lets Naru strangle him)

Jerry: (HUGE sweatdrop) Well be right back....

(An ad for a glow in the dark vibrator was amongst many other perverted mail order items that was advertised)

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

Jerry: Hey, welcome back... and...

Shinobu: KYAAAAA!! (a bloody baby girl emerges from a censored blur between her legs). Urashima Sempai....would...you....(huff) like to hold our daughter? (Falls asleep with a warm smile, holding the baby)

Crowd: (Moved by the motherly nature of the scene) AWWWWW!!

Jerry: Isn’t that sweet... If you just joined us, Keitaro here has just been reunited with his illegitimate daughter, born just then, and soon with his twin sons from a different mother.

Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!

Motoko: (Finishes giving birth to first child on the side of the stage) I’LL SEE THEE BURN IN YOMA, YOU KNAVE!! (Screams as the second one starts being born.)

Jerry: and we have two more....

BACKSTAGE: (Voice of a man) DADDY!!

(A brown skinned man who looks otherwise exactly like Keitaro literally flies onstage with a jetpack made of a vaccum cleaner and proceeds to hug and kiss Keitaro).

Keitaro: Who the %^%* are you!?

Man: (oblivious) MaMa Su told me so much about you.....

Kietaro: WHHHHAAAAATTTTT?!

(Su, young as ever, rides onto stage on her mechanical horse as seen on episode 2, and drives an affectionate flying kick into Keitaro’s face)

Su: HULLO!! KEITARO!! LONG TIME NO SEE!!

Jerry: Now, Ms Kaola, is it true that people in your country don’t age unless they want to?

Su: YUP!! I stay like this so Keitaro 2 here can play with me.

Keitaro: But its only been a year, Su!! How the...

Su: Funny, it seemed like 22 back in my country....

Keitaro 2: Hey, MaMa Su, isn’t that aunt Motoko?

(Motoko screams as she pulls the second child out of herself, and then shifts her eyes back and forth in disbelief and horror between Keitaro 2 and the baby. The second child’s skin is noticably darker than the firsts.)

Motoko: (Turns to Keitaro) Urashima, no wonder you had a tan the second time we did it on that day....

Shinobu: (Now awake) THAT MEANS..... YOU’VE BEEN WITH KAOLA BEFORE ME!!

Keitaro 2: (Childishly leaps onto Motoko) DID YOU LIKE IT DIDYOU LIKE IT? LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

Jerry: Well, like father like son.

Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Keitaro (Being strangled by a now literally burning mad Naru) but...I...didn’t...sire...the...second...one... (passes out).

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

BACKSTAGE: WHY YOU KIDS DON’T KNOW HOW USEFUL KIDS CAN BE AFTER ALL?

(Mitsune walks on stage naked with blurred breasts except for a miniskirt as the crowd cheers.)

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

Jerry: Now, Mitsune...

Mitsune: (Seductively) Call me Kitsune, sugar...

Jerry: (Swallows in arousal) Now you have kids with Keitaro too, is that correct.

Mitsune: That’s right.

Jerry: Where are they?

Mitsune: Well, I loaned them out.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!

Jerry: (Visibly shocked) You sold your own children!!

Mitsune: No, sweetheart, I just loaned them out and ask for interest every month, more money that way.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!

(Mitsune flicks a censored middle finger at the crowd as she seductively does a striptease that drives the men in the audience wild)

Keitaro: (Now Awake) OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD..........

(Without Warning, Haruka walks on stage, smoking as usual)

Haruka: Hey Keitaro, you were great last night. Guess what, you are gonna be an uncle and a father now!!

Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

Keitaro: Aunt Haruka....

(Otohime strolls elegantly on stage holding a baby girl in a turtle shell, with Tama sitting on her head)

Otohime: Hello, Urashima dear, do come and make more turtles with me and Tama.

Crowd: (Deafeningly shouting)
JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

(Kaolla is so bored that she lifts a shaft from the saddle of the horse, sits onto it and sets the horse to rocking back and forth)

Kaolla: KYAAA!! THIS FEELS SO GOOD!!


Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!

(Granny Hina walks on stage)

Granny: Guess what, Keitaro. When you were 5 I drugged ya and I WAS the girl ya promised to go to Tokyo University with. KYAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

(Keitaro’s face is now a pale and expressionless blank as the security fits him into a straightjacket)

Jerry: And here’s my final thoughts for the day. Some people have a lot of love to give around. But when you don’t give all you love to one person, the other person or (giggles) people will be jealous and hurt by your deceit. Therefore be faithful in your love and save a lot of broken hearts. Till then take care of yourselves, and each other. Good Night.

(Audience Applauds and Cheers as the stage is full of crying babies held by their respective mothers as Keitaro is carted off to the loony bin.)

Well, that is just about the most twisted thing I have ever written. If you want any more song parodies or crossovers, feel free to Email me.

[cloakactive]

:jdrop:


Without a doubt THE MOST DISTURBING fanfic i have ever read. I really woudn't even call it a fanfic. Out of curiosity what time were you up till making this? :lol:


Still I am rather disturbed now with these images in my head.......

[psx-dude]

You have WAY too much time on your hands!!

ADD: I always knew he was a pimp :D

[Ikari_Asuka_Langley]

:jdrop: disturbing yet funny... did anyone read the one about Mitsume trying to write a hentai fic with them in it? ((no actual hentai content)) it was hilarious!

[Ronin Aquila]

YEESSSS

I STILL GOT IT!!

Just needed to vent off some "post adolescent, just turned 20 last friday and never will be young ever again rage."

Jerry, like Eminem, is a clever and funny guy who makes VERY valid commentaries on society through hilariously entertaining means. So I thought, why not write a Springer one too?

[Ronin Aquila]

Dear Mr Cloakactive

It took me two entire hours, starting at the stroke of midnight, to complete the original version. Now, in original I mean the LONGER, EVEN MORE SCARY version.

Considering the word limit per post, I had to condense a LOT of the material into a more compact but no less disturbing format. If the 10,000 character per post limit was not present, here is what you could have seen:

1: Keitaro's secret threesomes with his two male friends.

2: Seta's affair with Motoko/Shinobu/His Adopted Daughter Sara (Yes, it is MEANT to be sick)

3: Sara's threesome affair with Shinobu and Kaolla.

4: Sara's threesome affair with Keitaro and Seta

5: Tama laying an eggs that hatches into a minature Keitaros with turtle shells (Ah, the implication of it all).

Oh, word limit, thou art so cruel....

[Ronin Aquila]

To the ever watchful moderators, a queary, I send:

Why the devil was this thread not closed like my last extreme criticism of Americans editing Love Hina? From an objective point of view, this "Hina Springer" fanfic, with its blatant allusions to peadophilia, incest and vibrators, is even MORE offensive than the commentaries where I called censors "Inbred piles of mother #$%^ing semen drinking guttertrash."

Why has this thread not gone the way of the dodo as well? I wonder....

[Torkm]

:eek:

:lol:

*Rolling on floor laughing*

That was great Ronin! :)

Very creative!

:lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Thank you very much, Mr Torkm.

Within limits ill try to write even MORE offensive stuff in the future.

That is, if the crowd howls for more.....

Till then, take care of yourselves, and each other. Good Night.

PS.

I take it you are a Jerry Springer Fan too, heh?


Well since you are an Aussie too, you're in luck!!

On Friday the 18th of May, 2001, 11AM and PM, a special "Kuklux Kaln" episode will be screened on channel 8 on Foxtel!!

Be there or be square!!

[Ronin Aquila]

Oh, and incidentally, Mr Torkm. Thank you for not closing this thread.

[cloakactive]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Dear Mr Cloakactive

It took me two entire hours, starting at the stroke of midnight, to complete the original version. Now, in original I mean the LONGER, EVEN MORE SCARY version.

Considering the word limit per post, I had to condense a LOT of the material into a more compact but no less disturbing format. If the 10,000 character per post limit was not present, here is what you could have seen:

1: Keitaro's secret threesomes with his two male friends.

2: Seta's affair with Motoko/Shinobu/His Adopted Daughter Sara (Yes, it is MEANT to be sick)

3: Sara's threesome affair with Shinobu and Kaolla.

4: Sara's threesome affair with Keitaro and Seta

5: Tama laying an eggs that hatches into a minature Keitaros with turtle shells (Ah, the implication of it all).

Oh, word limit, thou art so cruel....



Dear Mr. Ronin Aquila

Seriously.... if you took offense to my comments that want not the purpose or the intent i wished to display. I just wanted to say i was rather shocked and that certain mental images which had never crossed my mind were suddenly stuck in my head. I know it must have taken you a long time and some serious effort.

Wait... thats not me... seriously... its long, it looks like you did some serious work, its really good :D , it just took me by surprise and put images into my fragile head. :confused2

Gomen nasai Ronin Aquila-san. :(

[Ronin Aquila]

Dear Mr Torkm

Don't worry about it, mate!! No offense was taken whatsoever!!

If my "capital lettered" words seemed like expressions of anger, they were actually substitutes for itallics and bold letters.

You see, much as I use the internet, I have yet to find a method of which to type itallic and bold letters in forums such as this and email programmes like "Yahoo Mail."

Hence instead I use capital letters as an alternative means of emphasis. But fear not, the use here was not in anger or offense.

You're A-O-KAY, mate!!

[Ronin Aquila]

Yo people!! Here is the (semi) sequel to Hina Springer, entitled "Vandread Springer." Enjoy!! :kawaii:

http://animeboards.com/t34553/s.html

[Westlo]

:lol: :lol:

it's twisted and its sick but its funny


i thought the vandread on was good but this takes the cake

:lol: good job

[Ronin Aquila]

Hmm, then tis true all prequels are better than sequels. :kawaii:

[Bradster]

:eek: I hope the people who make the Sybian don't sue Suu for patent infringement!

Speaking of Suu, is that thing about the people from her country the truth? I could never figure out why she was bouncing back and forth between 14 and 19 like some kind of Magical Girl. I thought about posting that question, but might not need to now...

Pretty scary sleep roster, considering whose kids are oldest...:lol:


Hmm, then tis true all prequels are better than sequels.

Alien/Aliens?

[cloakactive]

:lol: Talk about a fun look from the past! That reminds me... when are you making the long awaited sequel to LH Springer Edition (your Vandread does not count.... :p )?

[Ronin Aquila]

Both Alien and Aliens are equla classics. Alien as a horror movie, and Aliens as a war movie. :)

[Neitsabes]

Oh god... I never tough I would read this one day!! :kawaii:

[Kawaii Miko]

ROFLMAO

Dirty but funny. I like it!! :D:up:

Keep it up Ronin-hun

[thedarkmarine]

and know we know...THE REST OF THE STORY.

[Ronin Aquila]

And I'll send all you new posters to this thread the uncensored version, as soon as I get back to Australia in two weeks time or so. :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Originally posted by cloakactive
:lol: Talk about a fun look from the past! That reminds me... when are you making the long awaited sequel to LH Springer Edition (your Vandread does not count.... :p )?

Well, this is pretty much stand alone. But not to worry, for as my previous post said, in two weeks I'll send you the uncensored version as soon as I can find it. :D

Also, Mister Black Knight, what is a Sybian? :confused:

[cloakactive]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila


Well, this is pretty much stand alone. But not to worry, for as my previous post said, in two weeks I'll send you the uncensored version as soon as I can find it. :D



Ronin... did you forget that you sent it to me a long long time ago? You even asked me questions about Jerry since I live in Chicago. I'm hurt. :bawling:

[Bradster]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila

Also, Mister Black Knight, what is a Sybian? :confused:

Misattributed info- Black_Knight hasn't posted to this thread. That'd be Mister Bradster.

Glad you asked! :naughty:

You've described it almost exactly- a little thought will bring it to you. However, to help, your story:

(Kaolla is so bored that she lifts a shaft from the saddle of the horse, sits onto it and sets the horse to rocking back and forth)

Kaolla: KYAAA!! THIS FEELS SO GOOD!!

Subtract the horse. Add batteries. This toy exists. ;)

More info here would get the post/thread killed.

[Ronin Aquila]

Originally posted by cloakactive


Ronin... did you forget that you sent it to me a long long time ago? You even asked me questions about Jerry since I live in Chicago. I'm hurt. :bawling:

Sorry, Mister Cloak. I do remember sending a copy to you.

I meant for those who have not read it yet.

Gomen. :heh:

[Ronin Aquila]

Itw ill get the muthaluvin thread mudered I tells ya!! Murdered!! MMMMMUUUURRRRRDDDDERRRREEEEDDD!!!! Gwahahahahahahahahahaha!! :lol:

[matthew]

LOL!!!!!!!!! *ROFLMAO!!!!* OMG thats THE BEST THING EVER!!!
god it was sickening gross and sad all rolled in to one *sad cause all the pretty girls suffered cause of keitaro ......poor Shinobu*
but that was definatly GROSS!!!
GRANDMA as ur childhood sweet heart EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!! :vomit: :vomit:

hmmm unsencored ay ...is their a big difference .... oh and ronin send me any of this stuff any time me wants MORE!!! lol i love it!!

*saw love hina like a few days ago .....3 times over :lol: :lol: *
funniest thing ive seen in a while
but that jerry springer rip was hilerious ...i take it everyone heres seen the actual program pretty sad in some cases funny as hell in others
anyways thanks for that *applaudes* absolutely brilliant :up: :D :lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Glad that I had a positive influence :D on somebody's life for a change. :kawaii:

[iwakura]

Hmmmm....

I'm suprised the wind-up doll wasn't included....:eek:

[Priss Yagami]

i never knew he had that much semen to go around

[Ronin Aquila]

Originally posted by iwakura
Hmmmm....

I'm suprised the wind-up doll wasn't included....:eek:

Hmm, if the doll actually turned out to be a bloke and can be winded up to "get some action"....

say, this gives me an idea.... :D

Oh, and Miss Yagami, a bloke can take rests in between matings to let the body "reload", so to speak. :D

[Foxxe]

RFOLLMAO. I needed that, thanks.

[Priss Yagami]

Yes i know that,im a bloke myself
personally,i thought keitaro was impotent or something
only see him jerk off once in the whole series and that was in the manga.

[matthew]

originaly posted by Priss Yagami
Yes i know that,im a bloke myself
personally,i thought keitaro was impotent or something
only see him jerk off once in the whole series and that was in the manga.

bloody hell whats with anime and having teenagers jack off in them its sick eeeeeeeeew eeeeeew icky nasty :vomit:
man i was looking forward to EoE then i heard shinji jacks off
and my friends burning me the love hina manga's and what do we have keitaro going for it as well!!! ARGH!! i dont need to see this sorta stuff

and lets not get into the doll bit that was humiliating to watch for all of us *what the F@#! where they thinking/drinking/smoking!!*

is any other weird stuff that happen in the series that we may have over looked?? :lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Beg your pardon,

But what exactly does "ROFLMAO" mean? :confused:

[matthew]

beg my what now ...?? :confused:
oh and ROFLMAO = rolling on florr laughing my a$$ off hehe

[Ronin Aquila]

Oops, I meant "excuse me." :D

[Vegunks]

That was quite good if it didn't make that much sense . . . i mean . . .like stated b4 . . .how in the world wood Keitaro b able 2 do it? . . . if he's drunk . . .he wouldn't know what he is doing and the girlz wood have 2 practically have 2 b lined up . . .but weirder thingz have happened on the show and in the manga . . .kinda . . .:lol: . . .keep up the work . . . as like most ppl . . .lookin' forward 2 the sequel . . .:D

[Ronin Aquila]

Well, getting drunk is regrettably one of the most common ways for teenagers to become unwilling parents... :heh:

[Wormy]

OMG

If that's the censord version.....

I gotta see the full version.

[Vegunks]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Well, getting drunk is regrettably one of the most common ways for teenagers to become unwilling parents... :heh:

Well. . . i meant to do them all, they would have to be lined up . . .:heh:

[Dark Genesis]

You know, I wonder if they WOULD line up too :lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Well, in this continuity (the TV one) they would not. It only happened because they didn't know about each other having sex with him.

On the other hand, by the end of the Manga Continuity, they would be more than willing to line up for such a fine catch. :kawaii: :D

[tekblade]

hehe awsome :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Brains, Looks, Martial Arts Mastery, Unconditional Love (and sex :D ). Wish I was the Manga Keitaro, I truly do. :kawaii:

[Dark Genesis]

To hell with that, I want the chicks. :D

[Ronin Aquila]

As do I... ;)

[Dark Genesis]

Well at least I'm not down to the level of say, *ahem* buying life sized Naru and Shinobu cardboard cutouts..... although.... Naru would look cute...... MUST STRUGGLE..... :sweatdrop musn't think about that ;)

Course, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Not at all... ;)

[Marius]

:lol:
That was great Ronin. I wouldn't mind seeing that uncensored version :naughty:

-PjC

[Steathassasn]

this is the secound one ive read...this stuff should be bound and turned into a manga or

turned into a ova...yeah...too bad it would be in the hentai section though

damn it


still want to see you do more...there halarious..

i got a list of cross overs me and a friend did ( just a list of characters )

if you want to see them ..email meh

:lol: :: does burn out in 99' Honda Civic with Urd sitting on his hood: something for the Car Mags

[SilentRei]

:eek: That is some fanfic you got there. It is disturbing, yet extremely funny. Keitaro seriously needs help!

[Shax]

Originally posted by SilentRei
:eek: That is some fanfic you got there. It is disturbing, yet extremely funny. Keitaro seriously needs help!

But why does he need help if he's strong enough to do so many girls?
Ohhhhh, you meant that kind of help. :p

[Marius]

Thanks for the uncensored version Ronin! :up::lol:

I like the turtle Keitaros. The final thought is really good to. Well done! :D

-PjC

[Ronin Aquila]

Thank you. :D

Edit: I know some of you have yet to receive the uncensored version, I'm sorry. I'm not playing favouritism here.

The problem is that the word limit for posts and private messages is just far too small on this forum to begin with for the uncensored version. The only way to accomodate the word limit is through posting it through your email.

For those of you who do not have an Email listed on this forum, please privately Email me so I can accomodate you.

Thank you. :kawaii:

[SilentRei]

Originally posted by Shax


But why does he need help if he's strong enough to do so many girls?
Ohhhhh, you meant that kind of help. :p

Yup, he either needs a mental help, or he needs to try harder to not have so many accidents ;) with all the Hinata inn girls. :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Next to Jackie Chan, I presume he would be Number 2 on the black list of Insurance Companies. :lol:

[ATfield]

Bow before the master:bow:

That was good stuff dude.

Too bad you cant make any anime/KKK springer fanfics, coz

that would be just silly, but the only time I actually watch the Springer show is when the KKK shows up.

Oh God, thats so frickin hilarious :lol: :lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Remember the episode when the Klan mascot in an alligator suit shows up and does a dance shouting

"I hate you. You hate me. We're the Ku-Klux family."

:heh: :lol:

The average anime cast of any series would be able to kill the asses of those ignorant hate mongers in less than five seconds. Not much of a Springer episode, sadly. :bawling: :heh:

[ATfield]

Or remember the one with the Ku Klux Klan Christmas special :D

Where some Klan member was dressed as santa claus and one african-american guy suddenly toke the microphone and said :

"Brace yourself Santa Claus, coz im gona come sit on your lap"

What follows is pandemonium with the bodyguards trying to keep them apart.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Steathassasn]

omg...:lol: or when a black guy tries to join and hes wearing a black robe and hat instead of a white one .

kkk member - hes in cause he pays the union dues

[Ronin Aquila]

Ah, source material for fanfics... :kawaii:

[ATfield]

Wonder who would win? KKK vs Hinata Inn.....

but then again with gals like makoto, Koalu Su, Naru and Haruka its pretty much to the advantedge for the Hinata gang.

Makoto: Slices those white hats nice (Too bad grand imperial wizard
Naru: Gives good uppercuts (there goes Billy Bob flying)
Koalu Su: Great flying kicks ( Ouch thats gota hurt Joe Hanky)
Haruka: great in face pummeling (Not your face Jebadiah!! )

Too bad shinobu and keitaro are pretty useless although keitora would make one heck of a punching bag :lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Not after he has returned from America in the manga though. He has then metamorphosed into a handsome, intelligent archaeological master of martial arts. ;) He'll give the KKK the beating of their lives if they dare threaten the girls that he love. :kawaii:

Don't forget too that Su has a collection of futuristic guns and power armor so big that it would make Ellen Ripley blush. :D

[Shax]

Hey, what about Seta and Kanako?

All Seta needs are some stones. They're pretty much enough to annihilate the whole KKK. :D

Kanako also has the ability to radiate energy with her hands. :D (Of course she may prefer to tie them up instead. :naughty: :p )

[Ronin Aquila]

Who knows, maybe Kanoko is so pale that she'll trick the KKK into thinking of her as a fellow "White Person" and then kill them in their sleep after sleeping with a few of them. :p

[Grandis]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Who knows, maybe Kanoko is so pale that she'll trick the KKK into thinking of her as a fellow "White Person" and then kill them in their sleep after sleeping with a few of them. :p

:lol: to that, and the Fanfic.

Poor, poor Keitaro... Granny Hina as the girl of the Promise, drugging him, omg. As for the others soo in character, I'd just love to see the uncensored version.

[Ronin Aquila]

The private messages are way too tiny in word limit to accomodate that. However, give me an Email address and I shall happily oblige. ;)

[Steathassasn]

sheesh..they should have a Jerry Springer just for that

or have a make over series...yes..white is too plain..how about..black or brown or..rainbow collors ?

[Ronin Aquila]

The KKK will chuck a frenzy at the sight of Dear 'Lil Kaolla Su; a Brown Skinned Girl who speaks Japanese who is more educated and rich than their inbred trailer a$$ ever will be. ;)

Luckily, she'll have Mecha Tama 7 stomping them all off to hell where they belong. :kawaii:

[Excession]

Ronin, it is now my ambition in life to be able to one day emulate your amazing capacity for...whatever this can be classed as.

[Ronin Aquila]

Thank you, I'm flattered. :kawaii:

[Steathassasn]

aww...any who..we need more...more i tell you

:: goes crazy ..and is halled off to the Betty Ford Clinic :: i need more..more

:lol: :lol: :

^ insane..

[Zenet]

yes we want more!:D

[Steathassasn]

give the fans what they want..or im coming to your house..and im gona stare at that house....then im gona leave...

your shaking..i can tell ...mughaaa :littledev

j/k..im just picking on ya

[Ronin Aquila]

Is Betty For the Detoxicating centre for people who want to get rid of drug and alcohol habits in America or something? :confused:

[Steathassasn]

you are correct sir!

and heres your grand prize

::anouncer : yess..thanks to modern technology we bring you ...

:: drum roll:

a big box o' nothing....yes..impress your friends..and famiy members with this delightful gift

:lol:

see...see what i do when there are no more jerry springer stories

[Ronin Aquila]

To celebrate my 4,700th post on Sunday the 21st of July, 2002, at 10:20, I declare that I am going to enter the uncensored version of this fanfic in for the Manifest Fanfic Comptetition!! :kawaii:

[iwakura]

Will this version be available online somewhere?

[Marius]

Do it Ronin, do it :nod:

[Ronin Aquila]

Originally posted by iwakura
Will this version be available online somewhere?

Not as of yet, for my lousy hard drive crashed on me so I have to rewrite that version again, dammit!! :heh:

But rest assured that it will be even more offensive than the last uncensored version!! :D

[Sara MacD]

Swell. Maybe you could revise it and post it in the Fanfics forum... and hope the mods don't close it off.

[Ronin Aquila]

I would if I could :heh:

For it was not content matter that prevented me from doing so...

..... but a little thing called word limit.

For some obscure reason, these threads cannot hold more than 100,000 or so characters.

And Hina Springer Uncensored goes WWWAAAAAAYYYYY past that. :heh:

But otherwise, I have no qualms about sharing a tale of dirty anime sex comedy with the rest of my fellow Animeboarders. :kawaii:

[raynebc]

What you should do is type it up and then compress it into a winzip file. Winzip compresses text files like nobody's business.

[Ronin Aquila]

I'll try that as soon as I can rewrite the uncensored version lost from that catastrophic hard drive crash. ;)

[raynebc]

What if I told you I still had the uncut version you sent me via email??

[Ronin Aquila]

Cool As!! :kawaii:

Could you send it to me via the following address? :kawaii:

lupum_argentum@yahoo.com

Thank you!! :)

[raynebc]

It's as good as done. Please do make a sequel, follow-up episode, or anything to continue!

[Ronin Aquila]

Thank you!! :kawaii:

Hmm, what new series can I exploit...

I'll never desecrate the good name of Card Captor Sakura...

I have already done Vandread....

Oh well... since it already has a sexually charged origin, might as well as do To Heart Springer...

Coming Soon. :p

[Sara MacD]

I sure hope you don't do that to CCS... one of the best shows I ever saw! (Not to mention I can handle the dub voices...)

[Ronin Aquila]

If you like the dub, you will love the subbed version; the very definition of an idealistic world of love, warmth and wonder, equalled only by that of To heart. :kawaii:

[Sara MacD]

Actually, I've already got some fansubs, and from what I've heard, I'll hate the dub.

[Ronin Aquila]

Very wise decision;

I was unwise enough to listen through one dubbed episode...

.... my eardrums were scarred for life. :heh:

[Marius]

Its not as bad as the Love Hina dub though ;)

[Ronin Aquila]

I heard of all things they completely desexualised the humor and made Keitaro really sound like the whiny teenager from The Simpsons. :mad:

[Marius]

I posted his voice in one of the other threads. He really does sound like the whiny guy from The Simpsons :(

[Ronin Aquila]

For all we know, it could very well be the same voice actor. ;)

[Black_Knight]

WTF? :goof:

[cloakactive]

:fftopic:


As far as I'm concerned the past page had no relation to the original post at hand. Stay on topic please, or this thread gets closed.

Thank you.

[aznprideV]

Ronin, could you send me the "uncenscored" version? I think i already sent you an email by animeboard. My email will be there. Thanks

[Ronin Aquila]

Good As Sent. ;)

[death]

Is this the same one as before?

[Ronin Aquila]

The uncensored version has even more foul material than the version on this thread right now. ;)

[kaichi]

Right... good story. Very interesting. Good or bad thing it was censored?

[Ronin Aquila]

Bad thing because the censored version is nowhere as funny as the uncensored version. :p

[rascal45]

Ronin...e-mail sent.


Want fic NOW! :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Good as sent. :kawaii:

[iwakura]

But, you could private message it to us as well....

:) :) :)

[Ronin Aquila]

Unfortunately, the private message also contains the nasty word limit problem.

However, obtain and Email address and your wish will be my command. :kawaii:

[Sara MacD]

I think you'll find it... fascinating, to say the least.

BTW... will you write a sequel?

[Ronin Aquila]

It will depend on my time and amount of inspiration. ;)

[Black_Knight]

Tokyo Univeristy Blues perhaps? :D

[Ronin Aquila]

Hmm, hows about...

A Love Hian / American Pie crossover!! :kawaii:

[rascal45]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Hmm, hows about...

A Love Hian / American Pie crossover!! :kawaii:


Keitaro: *sees apple pie on the kitchen counter baked by Shinobu* *he begins to think* "Its like the center of a hot apple pie.

Naru: *walks in and see what's Keitaro is doing* "What the.....?!?"

Keitaro: "NARU!?! *is sweating in fear*

Naru: "Baka hentai!!!" *punches Keitaro through several walls of the Hinata Inn*

[Kawaii Miko]

Hmmm...now this is something that I have been waiting for Ronin. ^.~

I'd like to see what happens if Keitaro does a strip dance show for Naru, while everyone is shocked in amazement, watching it online LIVE. :lol:

Or....

Fan service from both Naru and Otohime in front of Keitaro and his friends as they want in on the act while the entire PA system on Toudai (University of Tokyo) or the pre-uni college can hear the action. Imagine all those nose bleeds from the male populace gushing in the corridors.

[Sara MacD]

Clean-up on Isle 5!

If you take this up, how long will it take for you to finish it?

[Shax]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Unfortunately, the private message also contains the nasty word limit problem.

Simple. Just split the story into two PMs. ;)

[Kawaii Miko]

Sara MacD - Just give me 3 hours to think, revise and edit the kinky script ^~

[iwakura]

Originally posted by Kawaii_No_Miko
Hmmm...now this is something that I have been waiting for Ronin. ^.~

... saucy story ...

Or....

... another saucy story ...

.

Wow KNM, you're pretty kinky for a moderator!

[Kawaii Miko]

Watching all of Love Hina just somehow kept my creative juices running for a change. Although the one I'm writing about is hell-bent kinky filled with lemons for anyone above the age limit, I can only allow those who can see it if they have my e-mail address or I have actually talked to them over AIM.

For those who are interested, PM me through here or AIM me on AIM.

PS. I don't allow immature people to turn this thread into an instant nosebleeder.

[Ronin Aquila]

Considerate, considering how bad for the keboards that would be. ;)

[Sara MacD]

I already shorted out one of my keyboards, and I'm not about to do it again.

[Ronin Aquila]

Not to mention how sticky the screen would get, yknowhaI'msayin? :p

[Shax]

Originally posted by Ronin Aquila
Not to mention how sticky the screen would get, yknowhaI'msayin? :p

I thought we were talking about blood (which isn't that sticky), not other bodily fluids? :p Of course if he's a masochist then we can expect a certain other bodily fluid to stain the screen too, yaknowhaImsayin'? :p :lol:

Btw Ronin send me the uncensored version thru PM. ;)

[Kawaii Miko]

I hate to revive dead threads but this has to be said...

My crossover is 3/4 of completion and for those who are interested, PM for the whole entire story! :naughty:

I'm sure Ronin-hun will be around, getting my attention for sure ^~

[Ronin Aquila]

I'll be there for it with bells on. :kawaii:

[rascal45]

Originally posted by Kawaii_No_Miko
I hate to revive dead threads but this has to be said...

My crossover is 3/4 of completion and for those who are interested, PM for the whole entire story! :naughty:

I'm sure Ronin-hun will be around, getting my attention for sure ^~

PM sent. :naughty:

[Mr Suzuki]

Bravo, Ronin! That was great!:lol:

[tyvmuch]

man that's sick... u have a lot of time..

isnt shinobu like around 20 when keitaro married Naru..?

[Ronin Aquila]

She was in the manga.

But in my fanfic she is still 13. :D :p :evil:

[tfcreate]

Ronin, you are seriously disturbed...... FUNNY AS HELL.... but ....wowie...... I think I need a drink....:eek: :lol: :eek:
TFC

[Ronin Aquila]

After much consdieration, I shall released the long awaited uncut section online.

It goes from the part where Kitsune goes onstage.

It's not as if its gonna make much difference.

Here Goes.... :kawaii:

____________________________________________________

(Mitsune walks on stage in a “Nazi Dominatrix” outfit with blurred
breasts as the crowd cheers.)



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



Jerry: Now, Mitsune...



Mitsune: (Seductively) Call me Kitsune, sugar...



Jerry: (Swallows in arousal) Now you have kids with Keitaro too, is
that correct.



Mitsune: ThatÂ’s right.



Jerry: Where are they?



Mitsune: Well, I loaned them out.



Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!



Jerry: (Visibly shocked) You sold your own children!!



Mitsune: No, sweetheart, I just loaned them out for 5,000 Yen a month
and regularly ask for interest, more money that way.



Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!



(Mitsune flicks a censored middle finger at the crowd as she
seductively does a striptease that drives the men in the audience wild)



Keitaro: (Now Awake) OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD..........



Jerry: Now there is yet another party to this chaotic love (smirk)
polyhedral, please meet...



(A deafening crunch rings across the studio seating area as a van
crashed through two dozen or so audience members, smearing them on the
windscreen. The van takes a summersault flip onto the stage and explodes
into a pile of burning, molten slag. Steve has sown his arm back on and
is putting out the fire with the crew as a handsome, bleeding man with
a girl on his shoulders walks slowly out of the inferno.)



Jerry: (Huge Sweat drop)... Ahem, please meet Seta and his adoptive
daughter Sara.



Seta: Hi Jerry, Love your show (Crowd Cheers, a few girls whistle).
And Keitaro, I see you are as good in bed with all these lovely ladies
(Kitsune Winks at him) as you are with Sara and me.



Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!! (Keitaro tries to run backstage but is pulled back
on by Naru by his testicles)



Naru: (Crying in dissapointment) How did I fall in love with two
faggots in a row....



Seta: Aw, come on Naru, I said that I like all of you. Just because
Keitaro is a guy doesnÂ’t mean I canÂ’t love him like I loved you and
Kistune (Crowd “boos” verhemently).



Jerry: Now, Mr Seta, how could you have a threesome with another man,
and with your daughter in the middle of it at that?!



Seta: (Laid Back and Casual) Well, lets just say my lovely daughter
here (Sara “Peace Signs” the audience) is a legitimate heterosexual
conduit from which I can act out my bisexual desires.



Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!



Sara: Papa!! Can Keitaro go from behind next time? His doodle is so
little that I didnÂ’t feel a thing!



(Naru faints from anger. Keitaro tries to run again but is pinned to
the wall by the shoulder with MotokoÂ’s thrown short sword. She, having
recovered her strength and now in her training uniform, angrily faces
Seta with a drawn Katana. Motoko throws twins to Shinobu, who catches
them in time, but her eyes are “swirling” in terror.)



Motoko: HE IS MINE!! HeÂ’s the father of my firstborn, and I shall
force him to learn that duty. But thou shalt not interfere meanwhile.



Seta: So eager for a rematch?



Motoko: ThatÂ’s my phrase. Now MEET THY MAKER, WRETCH!!



(Valiantly as Steve and the bodyguards try, they are thrown flying into
the audience by the maelstrom of Martial Arts energy that emanates from
a titanic battle.)



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



(In the fray, Sara is knocked down by an affectionate flying kick,
courtesy of Su into Shinobu)



Su: (Bounding onto the Shinobu and Sara) Aw, come on Sara, why donÂ’t
you like “playing” with us anymore.



Sara: Cos the Banana you use on me and Shinobu here are nowhere as hard
as the real thing, Jungle Girl!!



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



(Keitaro manages to pull the Wakisashi out of his shoulder, and flew
head-first into the ample bosoms of Mistsumi as he tried to run offstage
again)



Mitsumi: Oh, hello, Urashima Kun!! (Looks at the now sedated and
“restrained” carnage onstage) Where am I?



WHOLE LOVE HINA CAST: (Shouts in Frustration) “YOU ARE ON THE JERRY
SPRINGER SHOW, TWIT!!



Mitsumi: Oh, yeah, thatÂ’s right. Hi, Jerry!! Hi everybody!! (Crowd
Cheers and “Aws” at this sweet woman as she politely bows). Urashima
Kun, I came to tell you something.



Jerry: YouÂ’re not pregnant too, are you.



Mitsumi: (Sticks out tongue) Not me silly!! Its my best friend Tama
Chan!!



(Tama Chan flies affectionately at KeitaroÂ’s feet and promptly lays
five eggs. Equally prompt, they hatch into five baby turtles, with the
heads of Keitaro, glasses and all. They fly amongst the “booing”
audience, one lands on JerryÂ’s head. Keitaro panics hysterically and
collapses in a gibbering crying heap).



Jerry: And past guest have stated that they are incapable of loving
anything of a lower species(Crowd Laughs)!!



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



Jerry: (To himself) Hmm, maybe I can do one on bestiality for
tomorrowÂ’s show...



(Without Warning, Aunt Haruka walks onstage, smoking a cigarette in her
usual laid back manner)



Haruka: Well, well, well, Seta boy. HavenÂ’t changed at all, have ya,
just love em and leave em.



Seta: Oh, hi, Haruka san.



Haruka: Cut the Haruka san crap, jerk. How could you treat my nephew
like such a toy. (Puffs Smoke Rings). Well I got something to tell ya,
our baby is not yours, but HIS (Points to Keitaro, strangled
uncomprehendingly by a now awake Naru, who is simultaneously batting off a
Keitaro turtle.)



Jerry: Well, Keitaro, looks like you are now a father, grandfather AND
uncle all at once now.



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



Jerry: But arenÂ’t you being just a bit hypocritical, since you are
treating your nephew like a toy too?



Haruka: Nah, I had to have Keitaro here help me cos that impotent jerk
(points to Seta) canÂ’t get me pregnant. So heÂ’s not my toy, heÂ’s my
sperm donor. But since I have a kid now, SetaÂ’s all mine now.



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!



Naru and Kitsune: Oh no you donÂ’t!! (Charges Aunt Haruka, who
gracefully sends them flying into Mitsumi, who falls dead, with a gracefully
executed crescent moon kick).



Crowd: AUNTIE!! AUNTIE!! AUNTIE!! AUNTIE!!



(Haruka French kisses Seta as Kitsune and Naru desperately tries to
shake Mitsumi awake. Mitsumi sits up and smiles as blood pours like a
waterfall down her mouth).



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!





(KeitaroÂ’s face is now a pale and expressionless blank as the security
fits him into a straightjacket)



Jerry: And hereÂ’s my final thoughts for the day. Some people have a
lot of love to give around. But when you donÂ’t give all you love to one
person, the other person or (giggles) people will be jealous and hurt
by your deceit. Therefore be faithful in your love and save a lot of
broken hearts. Till next time take care of yourselves, and each other.
Good Night.



Crowd: JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!





(Audience Applauds and Cheers as the stage is full of crying babies
held by their respective mothers as Keitaro is carted off to the loony
bin.)





The End (Or, is it..... MUHUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!)

[tfcreate]

I don't know if i should nominate you for a Peabody award, or try to have you commited!!!:lol:
TFC:eek: :lol: :eek:

[Ronin Aquila]

Peabody Award? :confused:

[ChcksDigScrs]

kudos Ronin kudos!!! very interesting:smokin:

[Mr Suzuki]

Dude, that new stuff rules!

[Ronin Aquila]

The dark knight returns. :p

[iwakura]

It's pretty good over-all, but I think the stuff involving Sara is over the line.

[Ronin Aquila]

Mission accomplished. :D :p

[Zenet]

Crowd: RONIN! RONIN! RONIN! RONIN!

[Spike 558]

You know why I like reading RA's posts? Because they are so (whilst being thoughtful at times) amusing!

I've just read the latest instalment to Hina Springer and I must take my hat off to Ronin. Very well done there. :thumbup:

[Ronin Aquila]

Unlikely as it is that I may succeed, I shall try my best to top this fanfic in my next effort. :p

[Spike 558]

Ronin Aquila wrote:
Unlikely as it is that I may succeed, I shall try my best to top this fanfic in my next effort. :p

Well, good luck to you man - you gonna need it! :joke:

[Ayanami-IV]

LOL that's hilarious...ronin you must have a whoooole lot of time on your hands...aren't you in college??? isn't it busy??? how do you find time to do this kind of stuff??

[Ronin Aquila]

I wrote it during the Christmas holidays, good sir, and regularly revive the thread just to keep it notorious. ;)

[Ayanami-IV]

lol thats great, keep up the good work...hope ya don't get in trouble for posting this stuff ^_^()

[Ronin Aquila]

Hey, it's been close to 9 months and nothing has happened. :p

[MasterMatt2]

:sweatdrop:


how can i get this again...its been awhile, and my contacts are losing their potency, so im not gonna read all 17 pages lol.

answer any time, i dont care really...I got all my life (unfortunately)

this doesn't mean i dont get a huge laugh out of it....

:bow: :thumbup:

[Ronin Aquila]

Glad to see that I once again brought laughter into somebody's life. :kawaii:

[MasterMatt2]

ok, i read into it again...all pages (took me 20 min and one hell of a caffeine rush! gotta love triple-shot espresso's)
I suppose I have to give you my email...are you still giving this out?? :confused:

Here's my email if you can...?

wssplat@yahoo.com

P.S. I get like 100 spam a day so i dont mind going through that looking for stuff...

[Steathassasn]

omg..omg ..
thank you ronin

its been a while so i ask you..

think you can make a Nadescio one...or a part two of the vandread one ..

please....if you do ..

ill make many golden statues in your image ..and make a small shinto shrine in my room...dedicated to your greatness...

oh great master of comedy ..

:: bows :: i wish to study your technique....and make them laugh..oh great one...

:lol:

[Ronin Aquila]

Dear Steathassasn

I am deeply flattered and give you my humble thanks.

In order to do Nadessico, however, I must find time to watch the series again, darn it has been a good 4 years since I last watched it.

Till Next Time Take Care Of Yourselves And Each Other. :kawaii: