What happens when I have sugar -- A GundamWing Fic

[Kamono Shibaiko]

Ok peoples, this is what happens when you give me sugar. It's a Gundam Wing fic, no real name, and it is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing I have ever written. I can't take full credit for it, thank Puu, my friend Kari did a lot. Enyoj.
Rated PG-13 for swearing, drinking, yaoi, shounen ai, cross-dressing, suicide, killing people... etc, etc. But it's all in good fun, really!

Aella and Kari's Untitled GundamWing fic!
by Aella and Kari!

(The Gundam Pilots are sitting around a table in a "coffee" shop ----------------> Kari: "the dubbers bribed me!")
Trowa: So, Quatre, are you doing anything tonight?
::Quatre blushes:: ::Pilots exchange smirks::
Trowa: What's so funny? What?
Duo: Are you asking him out?
Trowa: No! (To Quatre) But if I were...
Wufei: At least you're not attracted to women. Women are-
All: We know! Women are weak!
Wufei: Actually, I was going to say unattractive...
Duo: Are Heero and I the only straight guys here?
Quatre: Not according to thousands of yaoists...
Duo: You talk to much.
Wufei: I'm not gay! I'm just... mastering the... homoic arts...
Trowa: So... Quatre...
Quatre: Um... No plans... Talk later!
Heero: Congratulations. Now, about the new strategies...
Wufei: YOU SAID YES?!?
Duo: Well, if you were- Quatre and you could choose between Trowa and Dorothy...
Heero: You make me wonder...
Duo: Well I don't see you going anywhere with a girl. And I have Hilde, thank you very much.
Heero: I have that girl... with brown hair...
All: Relena?
Heero: Yeah, that's it.
Duo: You're pathetic.
Heero: Me? Pathetic? Hush or I will have no choice but to kill you!
Duo: Kill? The God of Death? Impossible.
Heero: Sure I can.
Duo: I know something you can't do!
Heero: What?
Duo: Eat half your weight in cheese!
(In case you haven't noticed, they're drinking)
(2 HOURS LATER)
::Relena walks in::
Relena: What? You've been drinking? How irresponsible! I thought better of you Heero!
Heero: I kinda... lost a bet... And... Relena, I have to strip for you!
Relena: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD- okay.
Wufei: I expected better of you. Only 1/4 of your weight in cheese.
Heero: Shut up "Homoic Artist"!
(5 MINUTES LATER)
Duo: Wow, Heero, you're really good at this.
Quatre: Almost as if you've done this before...
Heero: My past is none of your concern.
Relena: Duo... Remember... Hilde, you love her! And Heero's mine!
Duo: I have no interest in Heero whatsoever! I could care less whether he was clothed or not. I love Hilde and no one can take that away from me. ::continues watching::
Heero: What am I doing? What have you slipped me? And why am I naked?
::Duo and Relena look away::
Heero: Relena! Who gave you that polaroid camera? And what's that on the bulletin board?
::Heero runs over to the bulletin board and sees interesting pictures of himself::
Heero: What have I done? Why did I try to strategize with you people? I thought it would increase the chances of victory and saving people's worthless lives, but now you have talked me into drinking and stripping so I shall end mine! ::looks for nearest sharp object:: With this thumbtack my worthless life shall be ended!
Quatre: But that thumbtack isn't sterile!
Heero: I don't think this thumbtack has been up anyone's ass!
::Heero dresses::
Relena: Come on Heero! (hic) It was more fun when you (hic) were drunk! (hic)
::yes, Relena is drunk too::
Heero: (still slightly drunk) Well, sterilization is always important. But I have a lot of tacks... so you have to die Duo!
(1 HOUR LATER)
Duo: Let me down from here!
::Duo has been thumbtacked to the wall::
::Trowa spills his drink all over himself (poor towa!)::
Trowa: Damnit! And these were new!
Quatre: New?
Trowa: Yeah!
Wufei: Um... they're... a bit small and tight...
Trowa: I like them like that!
Quatre: Well, I'm not complaining!
Relena: I have an extra set of clothes with me...
Trowa: Okay!... No wait... you're a girl!
Wufei: Women are weak!
All: Shut up!
Quatre: But Towa! You look good in miniskirts!
Trowa: Ya think so?
Duo: This is sick.
(15 MIN AND A MINI-SKIRT LATER)
Quatre: No, really. Pink is your color!
Duo: Um... help... still on wall...
::responsible big brother appears::
Zechs: Relena! What are you doing?
::Trowa stands up with gun pointed::
Zechs: ::looks Trowa up and down:: DA-AMN!
Quatre: He's mine!
Zechs: You? You womanly man! ::all gasp::
Quatre: I'm manlier than you are!
Zechs: Oh yeah?
Quatre: Yeah!
Zechs: I bet you can't eat half your weight in cheese!
Heero: It's been done. But if you really want to show your manliness, it'd work.
Zechs: I bet I can make a Pokemon mating call better than you!
Quatre: No way! I'm the master when it comes to Pokemon mating!
Zechs: Squirt, squirtle, squirt!
Quatre: Pika, Pik! Chuuu!!!
Zechs: ::kneels:: You are the Pokemon mating master. Tell me your secret!
Quatre: Lots of practice.
(by this point they're all completely drunk again and...)
Trowa: Hey Quatre! I have an Easter Present for you!
Quatre: You dyed eggs last year!
Wufei: Zechs, are you gay?
Zechs: Sure, why not?
Wufei: Damnit.
Zechs: Why?
Wufei: Nothing.
Zechs: ::goes chibi:: Nooo! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!!
Wufei: I cannot hide it anymore! I am what I hate most!
All: You're a woman?
Wufei: Yes, and I'm very attracted to all of you. Except you Relena, no wait, you too!
Zechs: Let's run off together!
Wufei: But I have no manliness to offer you.
Zechs: That's okay, I have a good imagination.
Duo: Please help... still on wall...
::Ryoko and Nuriko enter::
Ryoko: Do you sell tea here?
Quatre: Of course. Are you a prostitute?
Ryoko: Not the last time I checked.
Quatre: That's okay, 'cause I'm gay!
Ryoko: Are any of you straight?
Heero: ::raises hand slowly:: I am.
Ryoko: Do you enjoy killing things?
Heero: Yeah.
Ryoko: Cool.
Heero: I'm bored, let's run off together.
Ryoko: Okay.
Relena: Over my dead body!
Heero: Okay!
::Relena runs away in fright::
Nuriko: I like it here.
Duo: Why? ::still on wall::
Nuriko: 'Cause I'm in a room full of gay men!
Quatre: And...?
Nuriko: Well, its a long story...
(3 HOURS LATER)
Nuriko: So, you see... I'm not really gay, but I am! And I enjoy crossdressing.
Trowa: Don't we all?
Quatre: That's so sad! ::throws himself into Trowa's arms and sobs::
Nuriko: Hey, guy on the bulletin board, I like your braid.
Duo: Let me down and I'm yours!
Nuriko: Okay! We can do each other's hair!
::Nuriko and Duo run away::
::Bartender starts to cry::
Bartender: Why me? Why me?
END.

If you didn't understand a word of that, don't worry, neither did I, and I wrote the damn thing! Most of my fanfics aren't this stupid, I swear!
We're in the process of filming this using Darcy's action figures, a video camera, and some cardboard boxes.

[Tsunami-X]

that was great, really funny
i liked the fact that your storyline kept me interested, really cool

[AnimeWishes]

*AnimeWishes whistles in background*

[serenad_15]

i really like this fic! it was very funny! do you have anymore like this? i like the part when Ryoko and Nuriko come into the scence.

[Bubbles]

I see others are adversly affected by sugar.
THis was fantastic really funny
It was all great but my favourit part would have to be the pokemon mating masterfull.