Apocalyptic story idea...

[kurtz]

Okay, here’s my story idea. I think it’s quite interesting.

In this story, nine British students are killed in a terrorist attack. Overnight, the souls and consciousnesses of the leaders of the UK, Germany, US, Japan, Singapore, Australia, China, Israel, Saudi Arabia are stolen away and replaced by those of the nine students killed. Needless to say, all the leaders wake up as students.

The result is that the nine most important countries in the world are handed over to the control of 17 to 18 year olds. The students are equipped with each individual world leaders' memories and knowledge. The question is - how well can they lead? Can war be averted?

The world gets blown to shreds in this story otherwise it would not be fun.

Ideas:

+ A new neo-communist craze sweeps across Asia, led by a student who has invented his own government system based upon social merit instead of capitalism. This scares other countries.
+ The American student encourages obsessive patriotism, in the wake of the neo-communist craze. The US is suspected of supporting the ‘democratic liberation army’ which use terrorist attacks in neo-communist states as a means of promoting the democratic capitalist system. They are terrifying, as they wield nuclear capabilities.

That’s a little bit of it anyway. Here’s a bit of writing that I did to start it off:

Chapter 1 – Memories
Alan’s entity floated, dismembered, the consciousness in a state of coma, until it found the body of Xian Ao Li, a middle aged Chinese man sleeping in the depths of a vast mountain palace. As the new entity descended into Xian’s mind, his soul was displaced and torn away by the swift winds of the astral plane.

Alan awoke from one living nightmare to another. Memories of sudden death and destruction burned his mind, and other foreign memories had somehow forced their way in. Opening his eyes, the first thing he saw was his hand. Around his wrist was a gold watch and the skin on his hand was wrinkled. He closed his eyes and relaxed his muscles.

Another nightmare, he thought. As he lay for two hours, sunlight warmed his eyelids until he eventually opened his eyes and got out the bed. A carved desk covered holding documents stood opposite the bed, and to the left of this was a door. Directly in front of Alan, bay doors led to a balcony. He flung these doors open and walked onto the balcony, finding himself in the mountains, overlooking a deep valley with coniferous trees clinging to the slopes. The balcony comprised a wooden plank floor precariously supported by timber beams rooted in the natural vertical stone wall directly below Alan. Mist shrouded the twinkling river at the bottom of the valley. Alan stood for what seemed forever, taking in his surroundings, until he remembered. He remembered the name Xian Ao Li. And with that, the meaning of his foreign memory flooded in. He was no longer Alan. He was Li, the Chinese President.

This is my first 'fanfic' post.

[ADdispatcher]

...this sounds cool. That is all until more is posted n' stuff.

[Cetacious]

Lets say it's just fine for a first post. You show a quite patient and descriptive style, also with a notion of point of view. Patience is a virtue not seen very ofthen in beginners. Back to the PoV, in the second and third paragraphs it's well driven, but the first one has none. Lose the first pargraph and the thing will sound much better, since the reader only knows what the character knows or even somewhat less, and thus he'll share his confusion.
About your plot: some of it sounds horribly close to truth(shudder). Anyway, to keep up a stable story you'll need something more centered. Here go the three points of conflict again:

1-Every story which deserves such name builds uppon a central conflict. This is, the confrontation between two opposite forces and/or wills(f.ex. Good/evil, freedom/domination, order/chaos etc). The story begins and ends along with this conflict. Anything told should be directly or indirectly related to it, otherwhise it is uninteresting.
2-In most cases, the central conflict is a product of the main action. This is something the main character decides to do at the begining of the story. The action is, so to say, the axis of the conflict. A story where the main character takes the central action instead of being only a reaction will portrait the conflict more from the inside.
3-There may be secondary conflicts, as there may be secondary actions, but the main ones should remain recognizable and in the foreground.

[ADdispatcher]

What he said.