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Old 29-05-2002, 05:01 PM   #1   [permalink]
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FanFic - The end of the Kyoto Arc (Rurouni Kenshin)

I will past it in here. Comments and criticism welcome. This is supposed to be part one of many, or so I think. Please Read!




Kenshin made his way up the winding trail to the small cottage he visited so infrequently. He was absent minded, thinking about the recent events. Since Hiko had kept his promise to Kenshin, the former would likely be in his normal cocky yet pleasant mood.

The rurouni stepped through the doorway, gracefully passing by a temporary curtain. It was quite silly of Yahiko and Misao to take out the door!

Hiko looked up from his pottery. “It’s you.”



“Master, I did not have a chance to speak with you. You left just as we arrived at the Aoiya.” It was true; after the confrontation with Makoto Shishio, Hiko had confirmed his apprentice’s continuing existence, and he hurried back to his life of a hermit. Not a fan of people. That he wasn’t.

He looked up from his pottery. “I can see that this visit is must different from your last one” said Hiko. He looked back down at his pending creation, and began to work with it, seemingly paying no attention to the rurouni now.

Suddenly Kenshin had forgotten why he had come. His master’s abruptness had shocked him a little, even though he was quite used to it by now. Ah yes. The Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki. “I was surprised when my opponent got back up, that I was.” Hiko stopped working, but continued to look down at the tools. “The final attack of Hiten Mitserugi did not turn out to be very final.” Of course, Kenshin wasn’t very surprised of the outcome of the attack, given he was using a sakaba sword. But this was not truly the worry he had on his mind.

“Why did you come?” There was a short pause.

“Actually, it was my friend Sanosuke who wanted me to come. He was a little worried about something that I didn’t think was worth making a big deal over.” Kenshin’s master grew increasingly impatient. “He was worried that three people, all of whom have been my enemy in the past, all saw me use the true Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki.” Another pause.

Hiko finally responded. “I don’t care much for your personal problems. But it’s true that the final attack of Hiten should not become common knowledge...tell me of your history with these three.”

Meanwhile…

The head of police made his way down the precinct halls. He sharply turned into Hajime Saitoh’s office. “MR. SAITOH, you have NOT filed your report regarding the Makoto Shishio incident!” Saitoh tossed his cigarette out the window.

The officer sighed. “There is not much to say on the matter.” A short silence. “You will get your report.”

“MR. SAITOH, I have been instructed to deliver the report to the Japanese Government at once!” He stared at Saitoh coldly. “I will do this tomorrow, and NO LATER.” He exited, slamming the door behind him. Saitoh struck a match and lit another cig. The door opened, and a man entered.

Saitoh turned his head to the door. “Have you crossed?”

“Yep” replied the man. “Who needs to spend their days locked up in some old cell? I’ll do this ‘til something better comes along, and no later.”

“The Japanese Government is better at gathering information than you know. It will be pointless trying to betray them, but why would I care about the fate of Chou the Sword Hunter?”

“You know, they all think you died back there. You gonna let them know?”

Saitoh looked down at his desk. “Certainly not. I temporarily joined sides with the battousai, but now he is on his own.” Chou decided to let it be.



Hiko then stood, and leaned against the wall. “So this Sanosuke is not a problem. And Houji is in prison?”

“Yes”

“That leaves you with Aoshi Shinomori and Hajime Saitoh.”

“Actually, Aoshi told me that Saitoh died when the structure collapsed. But I find that hard to believe. That man would never make my life easier.” Kenshin smiled at the thought of Saitoh refusing to die, for the sake of tormenting the poor rurouni.

“Well, as you told me, this Aoshi has left the path of chaos, and is not very talkative anyway. As for Saitoh, he seems loyal to the police, for all his talk.” Hiko then sat back down and continued working on his pottery. “So you don’t have any problems. Again, it was a mistake for me to listen to you.”

Kenshin thought of blaming Sano. After all, Sanosuke had forced him to visit the master. But why? Wait, maybe he was just trying to get Kenshin away, while he could plot something! I wonder who else is in on it. I might be jumping to conclusions, but I better hurry back. “Thank you, master.” Kenshin hurried back to the Kamiya dojo.

“Stupid apprentice”

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Last edited by stdio.h; 30-05-2002 at 03:30 PM.
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Old 30-05-2002, 03:29 PM   #2   [permalink]
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Note - 1 or 2 revisions made...but will not edit it right now. Part 2 coming soon.
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Old 03-06-2002, 11:19 PM   #3   [permalink]
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Criticism is my name!

Not a too... astonishing beginning. Doesn't really make me wish for more. Actually sounds more like an ending than like a start. Usually beginings leave lots of open holes, but remember what you're writing here is a fan fic and we already know Kenshin and Hiko and Saitoh, and we don't expect anything to happen from them three just being. Clasically, at the begining there is something called "agnoia", I think it means "not knowing" or something simmilar in greek. It consists by starting off in middle of something that's already happening, the previous moments should be completely unknown to the reader, if possible also the figures and everything, so the reader will read on to see what's happening, who these guys are etc. The trick is starting the central conflict before the agnoia is gone, thus people will already be inside the story before they're curiosity is gone.
Besides of that, you could maybe enlarge your descriptions of the enviroments a little more. Would help the reader to locate in the setting. And, in the name of anyone, LOSE THAT "Meanwhile"! Just narrate on and you'll see it's overunderstood.
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Old 08-06-2002, 12:26 PM   #4   [permalink]
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Konnichiwa!!!!!

I like your fanfic stdio.h, i want to ak you, you can send me that fanfic? , if you want, because i want to publish in my web.
Please say me if yes or no, first ne?
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Old 08-06-2002, 01:08 PM   #5   [permalink]
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There are 3 chapters up so far at fanfiction.net under the name "Kyoto Aftermath" for those interesed. Note - I made some revisions, some of which help meet the previously stated suggestions.

Just One thing:

I put in that single meanwhile to indicate that "..." usually means meanwhile (even though most people already know that!) Thanks for reading

Also, Misae (interesting spelling I guess) If you like what I have so far at fanfiction.net feel free to ask me for it! I am not exactly overprotective of my work.
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Old 08-06-2002, 04:04 PM   #6   [permalink]
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I was asking you

I was asking you because, me it does not like to extract the fanfics and put them in my page without permission.
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Old 10-06-2002, 12:12 PM   #7   [permalink]
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Okay, e-mail me at Gellender@yahoo.com and we can take care of whatever you want.
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Old 11-06-2002, 06:51 PM   #8   [permalink]
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Ah????????????????

What You want to say? Explain please.
But of all forms I will write to you ^. ^
And I hope that also you do it.
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Old 15-06-2002, 03:41 AM   #9   [permalink]
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Confusion!!!

Very confused!!!
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Old 16-09-2002, 01:28 AM   #10   [permalink]
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http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=805886

As of this post there are 6 chapters. Not the best...but certainly not the worst. As of this point I am teasing the reader with SAITOH VS HIKO.

It is worth the read.
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