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Old 08-07-2006, 12:09 AM   #1   [permalink]
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Evangelion: The Divide Between Being and Becoming

Anybody every read The Sound and the Fury? Or is anyone just generally familiar with the stream-of-consciousness technique?

I present you with the horrors of Shinji's mind, post-EoE.

------------------------------------------------------

The apocalypse. Here is the apocalypse and I am here so I am the apocalypse.
Itís my fatherís fault. He calls me to do things, but not because he needs me; he just needs someone. Iíve never gotten along with him. Well, how would I know if we get along? Iíve never really talked to him. Bastard. He doesnít care for me. Why should he? Itís not like Iíve ever given anyone reason to. I only do what Iím told to do, even if I seem reluctant.
My reluctance is a big part of the problem. My reluctance to pilot even though it could save lives. My reluctance to talk to my father. My reluctance to tell Asuka my feelings. I keep telling myself that I mustnít run away, but I donít run. People who run from their problems are people who were given that option, by authorities or circumstances, or whatever. I have no choice. I have to help people. How can I do that though? Everyone tells me the first person I should care about is myself, but then something happens that makes me do otherwise, but I canít care for others because they donít care for me, but they donít care for me because I donít care for myself, and I donít care for myself because... nobody cares about me. Iím supposed to help people when I canít help myself.
I should try to stop thinking like this for a second.
Asuka hasnít talked in a while. She usually wonít be quiet. I like her voice though. I wish I could hear it now. But she wonít talk. She wouldnít talk to me if I was the last man on Earth, she said. Ironic that I now am the last man on Earth. Or is it ironic? Sheís doing what she said she would. Sitting in silence. Silence canít be placed anywhere. It canít be sorted. I hate ambiguity; I hate having to formulate multiple interpretations of something that should be so simple, but silence isnít even open to interpretation. Itís just there. It is. And it hurts. Everything hurts. Did I honestly kill everyone? Are they gone? Will someone answer these questions? Iím so lost, but Iím staying in one place. Iím on this little island in the remnants of the world. Thereís nowhere to go except over to Asuka. She doesnít want to talk to me. She must be so confused. She must be crazily disenchanted. I should talk to her.
I tell myself I mustnít run away, but itís pointless just like everything else. I have nowhere to run to. Nowhere to go except over to Asuka.
She probably hates me. Everyoneís all pushed together. Everyone in the world has fused into a giant orange pool. Every person on Earth exists as one, except me and Asuka. Asuka. Strange. Sheís the one I would want to be one with, yet weíre the only ones who exist separate from each other. Maybe I thought that would bring her to me, if I was literally the last man on Earth.
Where we could be one out of choice and not circumstance. My entire life is circumstance, though. There are no choices. No options. I chose to stay this way though, didnít I? Am I an individual? Iím away from Asuka. Iím separate from her. Alone? Together? I wish she would talk to me, even just to insult me. Iím alone. Weíre more apart than ever, just a few feet away from each other. We are... apart? I am myself, and not her. Iíve been letting her control me, though. I let her live inside me. But... from the feelings inside me, everyone died. I miss them.
Where is my mother? Asuka must be wondering the same thing. My lips were so close to hers. I was going to do it. She couldnít protest. She was asleep? She was asleep. Was I taking advantage of her? She whispers something about her mother. I realize sheís just as scared as I am. Scared. Sheís the same as me. Damn it, I canít decide. Sheís the same as me. Sheís different. We are separate. I should talk to her. I have to think of something to say, but whatís the point. Iíll look like an idiot anyway. I always do.
Asuka I said please help me Asuka donít let me die donít let me fade away I throw over the table Pen Pen looks surprised and retreats from the room Iím yelling Iím crying out please Asuka help me help me donít kill me... donít... I... love you... love... No. Love is between two people. But we are they same.
But Iím supposed to love myself help me Asuka help me decide I donít need you I donít need you I need you to help me decide I donít need this. Shinji she says pull yourself together we have an Angel to deal with. We have a situation. Youíre a man arenít you she says. Act like one. Sweep her off her feet. Maybe I should talk to her. What would I say? Why am I asking myself? Can she answer my questions? Are we... are we Adam and Eve? Is there deception involved? Is this supposed to be Eden? My Eden? Everyone else is gone. I have nowhere to go except over to Asuka. Oh mein Gott she says the entry plug Shinji. Shinji. Das nicht. Shinji, das nicht.
If she is Eve, will she damn everyone? Sheíll trick me into taking the fruit against my better judgment. But I have no judgment. I never have a choice. And she wonít talk to me. Not if I was the last man on Earth. You are a man she yelled at me she yelled at me you are all you have left because youíre scared and you wonít let anyone help you but I need help I want to cry. She shouts and she pushes me she said you pushed away Rei and Misato and youíre the only person you have left. And you donít even like yourself. What is she talking about?
Asukaís so quiet. I wish she would talk to me. Iím a man but she is not. But we are the same and different. Alone, together. Itís so self-contradictory. Itís like me. Everythingís like me. But Iím separate from it, because everything is liquid and I am here as an individual, with Asuka.
My hands are around her neck. Her feet are inches off the ground. I raised her up. I strangled her. Sheís choking. Sheís choking. Oh God someone help her. Help me God Iím choking her. Iím killing Asuka! Itís my fault. Itís my fault!
ĎWhere is my motherí Asuka probably is wondering but is she dead sheís not, no one is and everyone is and I miss them. I miss her, sheís not talking to me. I miss Misato and Rei. I wish they were here. Rei is here, I think.
I think a lot. Rei? I miss Kaoru. He told me that I was worth something, but he had me kill him. I did it. I killed him. I didnít even save anyone. The Third Impact happened anyway, and now I have nowhere to go except to Asuka. But Iíve never had anywhere to. Iíve never had the option of leaving, so whatís the difference?
I wish I could stop thinking and everything else would stop be careful what you wish for they say. ---- them they donít know how it is. Asuka. I love her and she wonít talk to me. But I donít need her. I chose to be apart from her, didnít I? I chose to be an individual. Iím giving myself a choice now. I can either stand here and look at the ruins of Earth or talk to her. Iím going to talk to her. I do need her? No. I want her. Itís conscious. I have knowledge of it, Iím aware and I have choices. Iím going over to talk to her.
ďAsukaĒ I am saying. ďWhatĒ she is short with me. Itís to be expected. ďI donít knowĒ I said. ďFine.Ē
ďFine.Ē Fine she says. She was cross with me, because this mess is my fault. But that means Iíd do it on purpose? It was all on purpose. Thatíd be my only reason to feel guilty for it. To do something on purpose you have to choose to do it, right? Right? Help me. Help me I am myself.
ďAsukaĒ I look at her. Sheís pretty. Her hair hangs in front of her face.
ďWhat nowĒ abrupt again please Asuka please help me just once ďI think we can go home.Ē Go home. Home is nowhere. Is home here? Home is where there are people who love you. And she wonít talk to me.
I have my hand on hers. It surprises me. Iím not scared. She doesnít jerk her hand away. It surprises me. Am I doing this? I can see my reflection in the pool. Weíre both looking in. She is pretty. My hair is messy. My eyes are sunken. She looks like an angel. An angel? Angels tried to kill us. She wanted me to die. Angels are messengers of God. I am God. She is everything. We are together now, thatís all that matters.
Close your eyes Shinji. She is not afraid do not be afraid donít run away, you have had the chance and you didnít do it are you a man? Youíre stronger than you give yourself credit for I say to myself. It surprises me.
It shouldnít, I guess. Asuka told me that.
It was... Close your eyes. Iím trying not to think. I think about not thinking. Thatís funny. No, thatís stupid.
If we are Adam and Eve like it is in the bible, then even if we are damned, we are the beginning of everyone? Lilith gave birth to people? Rei was Lilith. I canít decide which is the truth. Donít try to decide the truth thatís how you get into this kind of ----. Genesis. Is this Genesis? I still have Asukaís hand.
Our hands touched the LCL. Itís strange, feeling this stuff again. It made me feel safe I say to myself but it smells a lot like blood itís like the motherís womb like a child tries to retreat back into the womb when itís born. Tragedy. Itís tragedy.
I hardly knew my mother. Did I? I knew her better than my father. My father was cold. He loved her, though. He could love. Thatís why there was Rei. I loved Rei. She was nice to me. I love Asuka. Asuka wouldnít talk to me she says if I was the last man on Earth but here we are now hand in hand.
My fingers are all the way in the LCL. Sheís smiling. She smiled at me. Itís the weirdest thing Iíve seen here. And thereís a giant head on the horizon. Thatís kind of funny. But itís sad as well. I canít be sad I have Asuka. I have choice, but not the choice to not be sad. Thatís where Asuka comes in I guess. To fight the sadness?
We are together, apart, apart together.
The lit match doesnít stop existing it just becomes part of a larger fire.
My other hand touched her face. She did the same thing. Itís like being electrocuted. Iím going to die but sheís not going to kill me and I donít mind.
We are alone, together.
ďShinjiĒ she gasps. Whatís she so surprised about? Thereís nothing to see. ďShinji look up.Ē I look up. A city is there. The head is gone, the ruins are falling in reverse. Falling back into buildings. Back into life. The orange liquid becomes red dots. Iíve seen this before. Have I?
Oh my God Asuka help me Iím bleeding Iím being crucified here help me the nails Asuka life, Asuka, life. I hit the ground. My hands are bleeding from where I caught myself. It stings a little but the city is there. Iím not bleeding anywhere else. Asukaís arms are around me. She is crying.
My hands hurt sort of. Iím crying too. We cry into each otherís shoulders. ďWhy are you cryingĒ she said.
ďI have no ideaĒ Iím sobbing. She smiles. Sheís pretty. She talked to me. But I killed her. I killed everyone. Sheís there.
Iím not sure of it, of whatís real, but if itís a dream I sure as hell donít want to wake up.

----------------------------------------------------

Oh man, is that a load of pretension or what?
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Old 08-07-2006, 02:31 PM   #2   [permalink]
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wow that is disturbing. Where did you find this?
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Old 08-07-2006, 02:42 PM   #3   [permalink]
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Uh, thanks. I guess. I wrote it.

There's a second part now:

-----------------------------------------

Misatoís place is like I remember it. Itís messy. She never picks anything up. The first thing I see when I open the door of course has to be mountains of empty beer cans.
Dead soldiers, she says.
She wonít just put the cans in the bins. Itís not that hard. I should tell her off later, but what good would that do?
Ikari really is just a kid Kensuke and Toji said he said she shows you a side of herself she doesnít want anyone else to see. She considers you like family they try to say.
The cans are everywhere.

Iím surprised Asuka hasnít pulled her hand away yet. She would usually punch me even if I just accidentally brushed up against her. I guess she calmed down to me when I killed her. But I never killed her.
Asuka is calm. She looks at me and her hand is not in mine anymore and the electricity is gone. My hand tingles.
ďIdiot. Nichts hat sich gešndert.Ē she is saying. Asuka I canít understand you. Speak Japanese. Speak Japanese, God damn you.
ďDid I say you could touch me?Ē
She brushed me out of the way like I was dust. Everyoneís dust. Dirt and sand and dead skin. Dust.

Sheís in a chair at the table. The table where she said Shinji do you want to kiss me she said.
Why
I have nothing else to do Iím bored are you afraid to kiss a girl she says sheís taunting me always picking on me.
Are you afraid to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mommyís death Asuka said
why did she bring my motherís death into this
Asuka says is she watching you from up in heaven
Well Asuka youíre getting more than you bargained for I lean my head in and she wants me to stop breathing?
I kiss her, sort of. She forces my lips onto hers and holds them there with my nose shut and Iím suffocating help me and sheís washing her mouth now.
Sheís brushing her teeth and using mouthwash how insulting how insulting
Definitely not a good way to kill time she complains.

She was so upset when Misato came home. Misato doesnít seem to be home right now. When Misato came home that night when we kissed, Asuka tried to talk to Mr. Kaji. Heís dead now. Like Asuka. Who is here and not dead reality is at the end of the dream I hear the voice say.
Asuka was upset when she came from talking to Kaji. She told me she felt awful because she actually kissed me. Insulting how insulting but Iím not hurt. Iím hurt because I know it had to do with Kaji. I remember that night.
I wanted to die.
Iíve never really cared if I died or not, but Iíve never actually desired death.

Asukaís sitting at the table. Wonder what sheís thinking. Pen Pen is out of the refrigerator. Heís making penguin noises.
Ms. Misato whatís in the other refrigerator I ask
Misato says heís probably still sleeping she said.
Heís making penguin noises. Iíd rather try to figure out German than penguin noises. I think heís complaining about something. This is getting annoying. Whereís the fish? Thatís probably the first thing I should try doing: giving him something to eat. Fish.
Swimming in the ocean like fish.

Iím in one of Asukaís plug suits.
We match oh haha Aida yes my figure is nice very funny Toji shut the hell up.
Sheís making me ride in the plug with her in her Eva Asuka you canít go in the water weíll be finished.
Weíre underwater. Swimming in the ocean like fish. All units fire at will. Angel destroyed.
Fish.

The pack is open. Pen Pen has finally shut up now, but I still want Asuka to talk to me. Whatís so hard about talking to me I wonder?
Sheís more insecure than I am. Thatís why she acts so self-righteous and superior and pompous all the time. But how the hell would I know?
Whatís that noise? Oh, itís just the TV. I hate these religious programs.
ďThe sun will turn to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the lord.Ē an old man rants.
That seems unsettling. I thought religion was supposed to bring you solace, not terror.
Absolute Terror Field.

The Eva has penetrated the Angelís AT Field impossible they say how the hell severe cranial damage suffered unit has been rendered immobile how the hell?
His sync ratio is escalating
escalating Iím ascending heavenwards.

------------------------------------

I might turn this into something. It's relatively easy for to write like this, I'm finding.
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Old 08-07-2006, 06:34 PM   #4   [permalink]
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sorry if you thought the earlier comment was directed towards you. I ment that shinji's mind was disturbing. Anyways keep up the good work with writing your book... discription/or whatever it is your writing.
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Old 08-07-2006, 06:36 PM   #5   [permalink]
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Anyways are you thinking of publishing this?
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Old 08-07-2006, 09:02 PM   #6   [permalink]
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I'll get it as published as a finfic can get, I guess. Fanfiction.net, forums... as far as an Eva fic goes, it's not really that exciting I think. Evangelion has been expounded upon to death by countless people with countless stories.
Thanks for commenting though.
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Old 09-07-2006, 01:41 PM   #7   [permalink]
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yeah I guess that the eva franchise has been a little overstreached. Just a bit of friendly advice include a german-english guide... you now for all the german that asuka speaks.
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Old 09-07-2006, 07:49 PM   #8   [permalink]
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She says "Idiot. Nothing has changed."
That's about it. The earlier thing that's in German is "Shinji, the nothing."
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Old 09-07-2006, 08:09 PM   #9   [permalink]
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oh, ok
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Old 09-07-2006, 08:11 PM   #10   [permalink]
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by the way whats the average time for you to write these.
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Old 09-07-2006, 08:15 PM   #11   [permalink]
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well come to think of it this sheds some light on the events of EOE. I wish they'd come out with another movie or series depicting the events after EOE.
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Old 09-07-2006, 10:29 PM   #12   [permalink]
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ďYou are a boy. Act like one.Ē Misato reproaches me.
ďYouíre a man, right?Ē Asuka teases.
ďAfter all, combat is a manís job.Ē I boast.
ďIs this really a girlís room?Ē Toji asks.
Who decides what a man is supposed to do? What a girl is supposed to do? Thatís more ambiguous than what it means to be human: what it means to be a man; what it means to be a woman. Itís not absolute. Humans made it like they made everything they know.
Toji states ďItís not a manís work.Ē when I ask him to help me clean up. Itís stupid to say you canít pick up because youíre a man. Itís just as stupid as saying you canít cry because youíre a man. Or you canít fight because youíre a girl.

Combat is a manís job I say when Iíve finally started to ďassert myselfĒ when I have a bit of an ďattitudeĒ and I fall in the Angelís shadow and meet myself. Myself as seen by someone else? It was made up. Thatís what Iím going to decide. Either the Angel was trying to screw with my head or I was hallucinating. I whimper itís cold I say Iím going to die in four hours Eva standby mode minimal life support life energy depleting.

This warmth is something I have never known before. Is this a part of being human? How would you define a human? Is there some sort of a list? If emotion and self-awareness are qualifiers... does that make an Eva human? Does that make me the machine? Iíve only ever felt the warmth thatís supposed to be a part of being human when inside the Eva. Iíve been under its restraint, not the other way around. It was my mother that I felt. But my mother is something I have never felt.
Rei draws the answers from me by repeating the same three words after every statement I make. I had to retract my statements, didnít I? She was pulling my purpose out from the depths of me? She was putting it in front of me and I chose to hide it again.
At least I chose.

Shinji what happens from this point on is your own decision only you can decide Misato says
The Eva is refusing to accept our commands itís choosing not to listen
Shinji you have to choose Shinji come out bring him back damn it.

I see Rei. Whatís Unit 00 holding? A mine? Rei what the hell did you do. You blew it up are you crazy. The Angelís not even phased and more people could die and Asukaís Evaís head was thrown right in front of me and itís bleeding bleeding make the stupid thing stop, father. More people could die because of this thing but I canít fight it because Iím not even sure what makes it our enemy. Itís killing so many humans but do we have the right to decide that the lives of humans are worth more than an Angels? Who made us God? Did God? God made man, man made God, man made Evas but angels made Evas but God made angels and man made God who made man make it stop father make this goddamn thing stop I canít kill another human please donít let it crush the plug thereís another kid my own age in there!
Thereís probably people who care about them but not me no one cares about me and youíre just demonstrating that right now by not letting me control the Eva and not even letting me do the only thing that would give me the chance of being cared about and I hate you please love me.

ďThere is a renowned post-modernist opening today juxtaposing artistic images with image portraying or suggesting the creation of art, creating what has been called a suspension of art and reality.Ē The television has been changed to the news. Asuka has gone to her room. She hasnít been out in a while. Should I go check on her? No, sheíll yell at me. Whatís worse, sheíll probably yell at me in German and leave me to figure out what she was saying which is worse than knowing torture torture Stupid Shinji I hear her voice echoing in my head.
Asuka has retreated to her room and has been there for a while. Thanks Asuka. That means no awkward situations occur while soap operas play in the background of our affairs. Affairs.
NERV internal affairs intelligence. The TV has changed to the news and they are discussing art mimicking reality? I thought reality was art, and the other way around. Itís like a dream that you have of dreaming about watching a movie about whatís about to happen to you in your life. Itís like being on a hamsterís exercise wheel and running and trying to run faster than the wheel, isnít it?

People have a tendency to feel trapped by freedom. Iíve heard people talk about how I need to come out of my shell. I hide in a shell because of why? I have to restrict myself?
I envy the blind because they cannot see the absence of grace said my father my father who abandoned me but I try to exclude him because he excluded me to make way for Rei if itís a girl Iíll name the baby Rei he said please accept me father.
Somebody please like me.

I knock on Asukaís door. She says ďYes?Ē very slowly. Sheís annoyed. But I wouldnít know, would I? People are who they are but thereís no point to that because everyone spends all their life just trying to describe themselves and their own inner monologues and their motivations Kaji said when he spent the night with us. Asuka wasnít happy then. I donít know what I did I know I did something. I wanted to say sorry for apologizing to her all the time I donít want her to be mad at me. Asuka, hear me out for a minute. Iím sorry that Iím the way I am. Iím sorry for always having to say sorry. Why am I thinking of telling her this now?
ďIs everything honestly back to normal?Ē I instead ask. How the hell should she know? She doesnít. She shrugs. I mean, is NERV still existent? Is this how we would want the world or is this the world as it actually was? As it was when we were fighting the Angels? Are the Eva Units here? All of them?

Havenít you heard Kensuke says Unit 04 exploded or something why didnít Misato tell me this?
I canít fight another Eva. I canít kill another person thereís a kid in there just who is the Fourth was I supposed to know? Why was I left out did they think it would be too hard on me itís like they were expecting something like this to happen and they knew I would be the one to break down and cry when faced with it.
NERV were all bastards.
Unit 02ís arms, where are they? I have to help them Rei what are you doing.
You remind me of a mother Rei I bet you would make a great mother.
Sheís blushing?
This smells like Ayanami I can breathe it in this is a smell I know my mother the plug smells like Ayanami I say.
Smells like what Asuka says I suppose heís been smelling her a lot is he a pervert.
Rei I can see you now.

Rei whatís my father like?
I do not know she says.

ďYou came into my room just to ask that ridiculous question?Ē Asuka snaps.
I canít say sorry; then I feel like Iíll have to apologize. Yeah, sorry I like you, Asuka. You pilot an Eva for praise and attention but when someone likes you, you brush them aside like dust. I close the door without saying anything. Slam the door, actually. Nice going, Shinji. Sheís a bitch, so you have to be an -------.
I wasnít paying attention. I was in a memory. A lot of memories.
You canít keep replaying those same few moments and expect them to become a shelter for you regurgitating and re-digesting the same events from the past repeatedly until the present is hollow.
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Old 09-07-2006, 10:37 PM   #13   [permalink]
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And here's something everyone enjoys:
Rei's point-of-view!

--------------------------------------------------------

Commander Ikari...
Commander Ikari, forgive me. I have failed you.

Commander Ikari, I will not allow myself to become a facet of you.
I refuse to become one with you because I wish to remain myself.
I am I.
I am not a doll, and I am not you.

who are you?
I am Rei Ayanami.
who are you?
I am the First Child.
who are you?
I am the designated pilot of Evangelion Unit-00.
who are you?
I am one who bears a shape which is not my own, but nevertheless, I am my own.
who are you?
A conscious, self-aware being existing for the purpose of finding who I am.
who are you?
Something that exists on a level deeper than the question of ďwho are you?Ē
Who am I?
I am unsure if I am ready to tell you.

You see me and you say that the image you alone have of me is the true Rei Ayanami, even if it is similar to me only in name. A name does not contain the qualities of the object it labels.
Rei Ayanami is Rei Ayanami. That which is I, and I am not you and will not allow myself to exist within you.
I am...

Your perceptions of me... the perceptions of others... how am I to know that they are not also that which is I? There is no method to determine whose perception is more trustworthy than anotherís.
Red. The color of blood. It may seem blue to another. If I was to see a color and label it as red, but another was to label it as blue, how would a third party determine who was correct? In order to see the answer, would we not have to live in a world where color does not exist at all?

I am Rei Ayanami. I have realized within myself the concept of myself. I have existed as only myself and with only myself and I have consequentially experienced what is known as loneliness. Loneliness is something I must live with if I wish to remain self-sufficient.
Unless...
Unless the bond it symbiotic and not parasitic. The alleviation of loneliness does not require subordination.
Individuality is not to be sacrificed for acceptance and unity, is it?
Divide and conquer. Turn the insides against themselves and divided we fall.
There must be harmony and the must be unity to survive, and yet there must also be a isolation in order to create the individual being that struggles to survive.

Yes sir, Commander Ikari.
I can not leave the Eva; the AT Field will disappear.
I will not allow myself to become something that I am not.

If I become something different from what I currently am, however, would that make it so that I was not myself? I am always myself, in spite of whatever actions I may be taking. I lack the words to express what I am trying to express. Words cannot adequately express though processes. Word are structures which have no place in abstractions and thoughts are abstractions which have no place in structures.

Words are not absolute and they are useless in expressing an absolute.
An absolute which thought is not.

All anyone can do is ask questions that there are no answers to and then question whether or not there are any answers and they cannot simply accept that everything is nothing and nothing is something so everything is something and it fits together like pieces of a puzzle.
It's as if humans were created solely to destroy themselves.
We ask questions that there are no answers to.
All anyone can do is guess.

You must ask the question
ďIf all this exists in my head, how does my head exist?Ē
You're seeing things with your mind and not your eyes, for your mind perceive your eyes to be there, making you unsure of their existence, but without eyes your mind would never see.
One can never see their mind, for the mind creates the brain through perception and exists within the brain.
It's paradoxical.

"Although life yields, I am not without a sudden change of heart."

Nonsensical.
And irrelevant.
Do you know what this is?

this?

Everything.

it is resistance

Though it can't be the answer.
We invented these emotions, these words with emotional connotations; the mind created the mind.

fight for what you want and do not question it

What I want is to know what I want.
Therefore I must question.

you have created a paradox

You cannot contribute anything...
I am paradox.

you are enigma

The world is paradox and the world is enigma.
But have I created the world?

Perhaps the only way to answer this is to become God. The way to become god is through divine knowledge unbeknownst which cannot be known except to a God.
But these questions only exist in my head?
Should I not comprehend them?

When we finally come to the answer, we find that the ultimate answer is that there is no such thing as an answer.
That is what hurts.

The purpose of life is to search for the meaning of life.
That is what causes pain...
but that which causes pain is also loneliness.

I exist in a multitude of ways simultaneously, and yet none of these forms help to reassure me that I am not the only one like me.
The Fifth Child once said we were alike. Were we? In what way?

There are many of us and yet I am alone. There are many of me and I cry because I am alone.

I am Rei Ayanami.
I am the pilot of Eva-00.
I am lonely.
I am crying.

What are tears meant to signify?
Sadness?
Is sadness not something that I alone can know, if I am the one whose head the world exists within?
If all others are only I, and experience themselves subjectively, this allows there to be only one who exists.
I am the only one to exist, then?
Is this why I must be alone?

My apartment is empty. It is barren and I find this appropriate, because it reflects me at the moment, and I...
I am all I have.
But who am I?
I am lonely.

My apartment is full of bandages and pain relievers and I am the only one here.
I am the only one I have.
Who am I?
I am lonely.

--------------------------------------------

Doesn't that just make you want to be her friend?
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Last edited by ADdispatcher; 10-07-2006 at 02:04 PM. Reason: screwed up Rei's Eva unit. how atarded of me.
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Old 10-07-2006, 01:43 PM   #14   [permalink]
Evagelion2015
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yep everybody loves something from Rei's point of view.
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Old 10-07-2006, 05:41 PM   #15   [permalink]
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It's sad, really.
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